my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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