Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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