it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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