saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
that is very illegal...i love you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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