Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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