and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
