a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
