If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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