Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
