Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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