I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
