does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
