sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
