wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
