why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
