..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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