Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
