Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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