she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
