just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
