I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
