Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
