Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
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woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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