I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
