can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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