if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
