I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower