Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she told me i tasted like america
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.