Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
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I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
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He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.