Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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