did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.