i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
