Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
