i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What a dumb baby whore.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
