she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
third nipple confirmed
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i think im in europe. pls send help
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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