don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We need a shit load of segways right now
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
