Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
