I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
