Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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