I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
