apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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