First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she told me i tasted like america
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize