I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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