you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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