Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
