am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
