just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
