Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
