he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
