For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
