I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
