how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
