He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize