he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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