I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
