Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
