At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
