i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
pray to the hookup gods
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
COCAINE IS GR8
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