you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
