If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
