...so i touched it.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
