remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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