Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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