I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
