I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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