She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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