I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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