How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
if only i could text you this smell
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
