My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
