he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
