Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
